You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
