I cannot find my penis.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
either way he was missing a nipple.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
