when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
