i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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