i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
