Cold hands, warm shart.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
