I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
