brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
