I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
