Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
