i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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