ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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