So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
