Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know her cup size but not her name....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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