Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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