She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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