As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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