cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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