I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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