I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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