Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
