I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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