theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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