you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
