I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
