Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize