piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
