she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
