the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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