we're blogging at a bar
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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