so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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