I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize