Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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