u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize