No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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