I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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