we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
