I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
