Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
