Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
