Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
