If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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