Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
