did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
