It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We need a shit load of segways right now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize