I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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