So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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