nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
