You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
