There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
