If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
