tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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