dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
