Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
