paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
