Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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