My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
