What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
