Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
