matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
ttyl tear gas
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
