FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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