the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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