i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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