K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I am morally bankrupt
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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