Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
