This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
